Marriage - Never Do It

by A. Ritter
(pdf version)




There is an awful lot of talk about marriage these days. Seems everyone wants to be a part of an institution with a horrendous failure rate. Sadly, no one, and I mean no one, knows what marriage really is. Most believe marriage is a way to validate true love. That is most assuredly what marriage is not. Marriage is not a way to validate love, create love, or solidify love. It is not a symbol of love and it is not a way to define love. Marriage is a contract, a legally binding business contract. No where on the contract does the word love appear, no where in the process does anyone determine of love is present: love is not a part of marriage at all. Love is a part of a relationship, but not a marriage. Marriage in the most countries, especially the U.S., is a legally binding contract in which two people engage in a corporate merger that the state (state being government) endorses. A marriage license, or certificate, is actually the right to use the term “marriage” and by doing so, those who sign the marriage license agree to the terms of use. One married, the two people are now under the control of the state, with all assets created by the lucky couple being in control of the state. What was once mostly under the sole control of the person’s engaged in the relationship is now under the control of the state. The state has a vested interest in the assets created by the act of marriage, bonding two businesses into one mega corporation. The assets include real property, money, property and of course children. The state determines what is to be done with that property and as long as the marriage is working within the bounds of the rights set forth by the marriage contract, the state usually refrains from getting involved in the day to day operations but it can if called to by either party or the states policy enforcement system: police or other agency. But, when the contract needs to be dissolved, the state gets right involved and determines every single aspect of the disillusionment. Think I’m wrong? What is Divorce Court?



Once the two lovers need to be unwed, the state takes over asset management. The state can decide that the two corporations need to “work things out” if it wants to. Though it rarely does, it can. The state can determine where the lovers live, how the live and what they live on. The state can divide up the assets, include the assets knows as children, anyway it wants. The two people seeking to go back to sole proprietors of their own selves usually make recommendations to the state about how they want the assets divided up, but they are only recommendations and the state can do as it pleases without regard to the lovers requests. The process is expensive, very expensive, to have the state deal with the dissolving of the company formally known as “happily wedded couple.” Have you heard this phrase: “I put ten years into the marriage and got nothing, my husband (wife) got it all.” Have you heard this phrase: “I put ten years into that company and got nothing...” See a difference? Tell me, why would anyone want to have the state control their relationship? Tell me, why would anyone feel that state validation of a relationship is some form of divine blessing? Tell me, why would anyone want the state to determine the beginning and or the end of their relationship? I cannot imagine any circumstances, none, where I would feel better about the state sanctioning anything I do, especially anything as person as a relationship. Why would anyone feel it is important for the soulless institution of the state to validate anything personal? It is said that folks want to get married because of all the privileges. There are no privileges that can’t be had in another way. Hospital visit is often cited as an issue. I have been in dozens of hospitals, in the bed and the visitor and have never seen anyone turned away. End of life decisions? While those are very rare, they can all be dealt with by a contract done outside of the states control. Taxes? Get a competent accountant. The wedding, the symbol of union? Okay, if you need an event, even one costing tens of thousands, have at it, but there is no reason for the state to be a part of it. Have someone you like just repeat whatever you want them to repeat - common vows or your own, and enjoy the happily wedded bliss without the state breathing down your back. The church’s blessing, uh, that’s a soulless institution as well and I hardly thing their blessing has done a thing to stop the divorce rate from being higher then the national debt. This does bring up an important issue. Separation. Many of the divorce cases are downright violent, and some may well be this way without the state as a referee. But I suspect, more often then not, it is the license, the contract, the business of marriage that creates the majority of the animosity. If you are one who cannot deal with anything without a middle man, or women, then marriage might work for you. If you want to take your partner to the cleaners if they hurt you, betray you, or leave you with kids, then marriage might be for you. If your relationship is an economic investment, marriage is ideal for you. But if you love someone, for ever and ever, then I can’t see how involving the state helps you.

If you need a marriage, or a wedding, to progress the relationship you probably don’t have a relationship to progress. There has never been a relationship in history that needed a marriage, but there have been a ton of marriages that needed a relationship. Relationships where people are together by choice are much better then relationships that are bonded by the state endorsed license, of your relationship is shaky, a marriage won’t help it at all. Relationships are not meant to last forever, this is a bizarre myth, the are meant to last as long as they last, but the bonded state sanctioning makes them last far longer then the might have when left to their own devices. Average approval from the state is six months in an uncontested divorce, this means that long after the relationship is over, it lives on at the whim of the state - how awful.
If you need a marriage, or a wedding, to progress the relationship you probably don’t have a relationship to progress. There has never been a relationship in history that needed a marriage, but there have been a ton of marriages that needed a relationship. Relationships where people are together by choice are much better then relationships that are bonded by the state endorsed license, of your relationship is shaky, a marriage won’t help it at all. Relationships are not meant to last forever, this is a bizarre myth, the are meant to last as long as they last, but the bonded state sanctioning makes them last far longer then the might have when left to their own devices. Average approval from the state is six months in an uncontested divorce, this means that long after the relationship is over, it lives on at the whim of the state - how awful.